| Author | Message | ||
| Don Schaeffer
Intermediate Member Username: don_schaeffer Post Number: 168 Registered: 12-2003 |
In the minds of perverse old men women grow into stories. The real ones emerge out of our theoretical fog. They may have to slap us to gain their lives. (Message edited by Don Schaeffer on October 25, 2005) | ||
| Richard Chase
New member Username: copperman Post Number: 10 Registered: 10-2005 |
I am not expereinced with critique but First I like this poem............ men are all guilty of thinking about other women and getting a nudge into reality from our companions. Nice approach you have used here Only one thing .......... "In the minds of perverse old men women grow into stories" Here I feel as though your speaking towards old men And here....... "They may have to slap us to gain their lives." It feels like you have included yourself. When you used the word " perverse " it almost sounded like a insult so it just dosen't feel right as the reader to include the writer with the old men. Are you trying to speak towards old men or all men ? Do you include you the writer ? | ||
| Don Schaeffer
Intermediate Member Username: don_schaeffer Post Number: 171 Registered: 12-2003 |
Im a perverted old man. Why can't I? | ||
| Richard Chase
New member Username: copperman Post Number: 37 Registered: 10-2005 |
LOL..........I guess you can......... I wasn't trying to say you can't.......... I like this poem very much you dirty old man Me almost qualify to join your ranks......The pervert is there just not old yet..........LOL | ||
| Don Schaeffer
Intermediate Member Username: don_schaeffer Post Number: 175 Registered: 12-2003 |
Thanks Richard | ||
| Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1332 Registered: 11-2003 |
like this, it's very strong and slim laurie | ||
| Don Schaeffer
Intermediate Member Username: don_schaeffer Post Number: 183 Registered: 12-2003 |
Like its author (lol). |
